NUMBER 9 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS JUNE 1, 1999  
         
 

Prime Optimistic Despite Almost-Total Paralysis

Uneasyness ran through the Autobot camp this week after leader Optimus Prime revealed his new form.

"Behold, Metalforce Optimus Prime!" he shouted, as his superstructure mutated into an almost completely unposeable form.

"How the hell is he supposed to lead us like this?" screamed Hot Rod. He can't even point in the direction for us to attack, much less come up with any kind of battle strategies. Ultra Magnus will have to lead us on the battlefield! I don't WANT to die!"

When asked to comment on Hot Rod's tirade, Prime stated, "Oh, he's such a little snot. Boo hoo, my leader can't move. It's not like this is the first body that's pretty much paralyzed. Look at my Power Master form. All that I could move were my arms. Great for go-go dancing, but not exactly a battle-worthy body."

Will Prime's new motionless body even the odds? Decepticon leader Super Hybrid Model Galvatron refused to comment.

 
         
         
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