|NUMBER 9||THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS||JUNE 1, 1999|
Rampage Sues Depth Charge
"Your pain is delicious, but where is my large cash settlement?" asked Rampage this evening as he stepped outside of the Cybertronian Court of Appeals.
Months ago, the ultra-violent Predacon sued Depth Charge for the civil wrongs of assault and battery in the Beast Wars episode Deep Metal.
"I was just minding my own business, when all of a sudden this big, mean manta ray attacks me! I've been emotionally scarred for life! Of course, the judge dismissed the mental suffering claim, since Megatron was squeezing my spark box at the time, but it's great to see that bastard pay for at least SOME of his crimes.
"This is an outrage! What the **** kind of society is this where I avenge a whole colony of defenseless beings and *I* get sued?!?"
Depth Charge will pay a penalty of 10,000 energon cubes. Since he does not possess that amount, the judge has come up with a rather unorthodox payment plan: Depth Charge must be Rampage's butler. When asked why this plan was chosen, the Quintesson Judge responded, "Just think of the hilarity that will ensue!
Depth Charge's first day on the job, during which he will overhear Megatron torturing Rampage and assume something sexual in nature is transpiring, will occur tomorrow night and will be shown on Channel 11 at 8:00PM.
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