NUMBER 9 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS JUNE 1, 1999  
         
 

Blackarachnia Gets Breast Reduction
by Tonyfitz, Special to the WWNP

In a shock announcement that floored all three people at the press conference, Blackarachnia revealed yesterday that she has undergone breast reduction surgery.

"It was just getting to be too much. They would weigh me down constantly and prevent me from doing my cool ninja-kicks. And besides, Silverbolts's back was really hurting!"

When asked for a comment, Silverbolt was too distraught to answer.

The history of Blackarachnia's breasts is long and riddled with mystery and high adventure. Her enlargements were very tight and some people referred to her as looking like a computer rendering.

Cheetor, who spoke on behalf of the left implant stated, "I liked them, they were Ultra Gear."

"Did you say Ultra Queer?" asked Tracks.

Cheetor continued, "Optimus caught me looking at them once and boy was there hell to pay. He beat me around the Ark and then finally around the part of my body he likes to call 'The Bad Place.'"

The implants that were removed turned out to be Rock Lords, defecting from the plotless world of Gobotron. The two spheroids, who identified themselves as Sili-Con and Sayleen, gave some interesting testimony about Blackarachnia's activities during off-hours.

"Silverbolt uses his claws too much, Rattrap has a foot fetish, and Longrack can do more with that giraffe head than you can imagine," according to Sili-Con.

When asked about their plans for the future, Sayleen replied, "Well, I guess we'll just have to find some other cleavage to inhabit. It was a blast and I'm sorry that it had to end, but don't worry about us. We've heard that Tigerhawk is a little worried that his feminine side doesn't show.

 
         
         
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