NUMBER 8 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS MAY 1, 1999  
         
 

Decepticons Begin Conquest of the Galaxy

The Decepticons began their ultimate plan to conquer the galaxy today. What's different this time around? The plan calls for a chain of frozen yogurt stands.

"Our conquest will be victorious and delicious!" proclaimed Megatron as he opened up the first of the chain. "With the money we rake in from this venture, we may finally finance our conquest of the galaxy. Today, the sector of the mall between Nordstrom and American Eagle, tomorrow, the world!"

"Whether you're Spike Witwicky or Richard Nixon, have a yogurt with all the fixin's, whether ripple fudge or berry blue, it's low in fat and tastes great too!" chanted Thundercracker. "Pretty catchy, huh? We're really raking in the dough! At this rate, we'll have control of the known universe by the year 5,000,000 AD!" When asked what would happen when frozen yogurt went out of style, he slapped his hands to his head and ran off screaming.

Starscream was not happy with recent developments. "That jerk Megatron has me working the register! I should be out destroying Autobots...instead, I'm listening to a little girl whine that I gave her Butterfinger instead of Heath Bar Crunch. As if that wasn't bad enough, I'm only getting minimum wage!"

The stand will be open from 11:00AM - 10:00PM Monday-Friday and 10:00AM - 7:00PM on Sunday.

 
         
         
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