NUMBER 7 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS APRIL 1, 1999  
         
 

Beast Wars Moves to UPN

After last Thursday's surprise announcement that Beast Wars would be moving to UPN, the Beast Warriors are nowhere to be found.

"I don't know what happened," commented Spike. "I was talking with Cheetor online—he's so cool—and he just disappeared!"

Experts claim that their disappearance could be due to obscure location of the show itself.

"We put the show on at 11:30 Sunday mornings between the Gary Coleman Show and Here's Lucy, our two most popular and newest shows. The Beast Wars timeslot sometimes has up to five viewers weekly, making it UPN's highest rated show," explains the CEO of Paramount.

In an attempt to salvage something from the disappearance, UPN has made some changes to several of their Primetime shows. The Sentinel will feature, as you might have guessed, that amazing security computer, Sentinel. And on Wednesday night, Transformers: Generation 2 will replace the three hour programming block of Joanie Loves Chachie.

One of our reporters obtained a special interview from a Predacon who wished to remain anonymous.

"Don't tell anyone, but we did not disappear. We're just hiding out for a while. There's no way in hell any of us will be seen on that...uh...one, two, three...sixth rate network. They'll never find us here. You're not going to actually print this, are you? If they find out who I am, I'll be in SO much trouble, yesssss...aw crap."

 
         
         
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