NUMBER 6 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS FEBRUARY 1, 1999  
         
 

Who is the Chosen One?

With Optimus Prime dead, it falls upon the Autobots to figure out just who the chosen one is. We here at the World's Worst Newspaper will analyze the possibilities.

Hot Rod
Why: He's young and impetuous, which is really popular with the kids. And popular = $$$ for Hasbro.
Why Not: Hot Rod has all of the leadership skills of Terrorsaur without the cool voice. If he's the chosen one, then Galvatron's gonna have it easy, provided nothing should happen to him.
Chances: 2 : 1

Arcee
Why: She's the token girl. It would be different.
Why Not: Girls are icky.
Chances: 3 : 1

Ironhide
Why: He has some command experience, having taken over for Prime many times while Prime was otherwise engaged.
Why Not: He's dead.
Chances: With this cartoon, 5 : 1

Kup
Why: He's got experience. Can't find your way out of a jam? Kup probably has just the right story to get you out.
Why Not: Experience = Age. Just last week he was cought peeing in the water supply of the Carwash of Doom. This guy is senile enough to make Ross Perot look absolutely sane.
Chances: 10 : 1

Ultra Magnus
Why: I can't DEAL with that now!
Why Not: See "Why".
Chances: 200 : 1

Echowarrior
Why: HE IS FROM THE FUTURE AND HE KNOWS A LOT ABOUT HISTORY!
Why Not: He's about as popular as a tax audit.
Chances: 500 : 1

Joey Lawrence
Why: Wo!
Why Not: He's not a Transformer.
Chances 1,000,000 : 1

 

 
         
         
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