|NUMBER 6||THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS||FEBRUARY 1, 1999|
Bludgeon Opens Religious SchoolClouds of controversy surround the opening of Bludgeon's Religious Academy, a new center for Cybertronian religious studies.
"So where's the controversy?" you might ask. The problem is that the key religious figure in Bludgeon's faith is a giant breath mint with a face drawn on it in crayon.
"This whole thing is a ridiculous attempt by Bludgeon to get everyone and anyone to follow him," commented Ironhide. "Everyone knows that there was only one living breath mint and ah gave him to Blot. His breath smells like...um...someone with...bad breath...you're not gonna print this, right?"
Bludgeon commented, "I once had the universe in the palm of my bony hand. I was leading the Decepticons, who were on the eve of galactic conquest. Then that boob Megatron beat me up and took leadership. He, in turn, got his butt kicked by Jhiaxus' group and led the Decepticons to defeat. Then, to top it all off, it became public knowledge that I am bald. This has been a pretty bad year for me. I hit rock bottom. Then, with a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and some goth poetry in the other, I discovered Mintor the Magnificent. Some say he was an effect of the glue I'd been sniffing, but I know better."
Rituals include celebration of the month of Halitosis, perpetually great breath, and daily worship to the Prophets, including Certs, Tic Tac, and Altoid the Almighty. Elders of the religion are proficient in the ancient art of Mintallikato.
"So far, over three dozen lucky Cybertrons have come to my academy to learn the ways of Mintor. Smells like success to me...success and peppermint!"
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