NUMBER 5 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS JANUARY 1, 1999  
         
 

Transformers Universe Entries Reveal They Are All The Same Guy

It was a disturbing scene today when Marvel Comics released the brand new Transformers Universe mini-series, a collection of profiles of every Transformer imaginable, which revealed that most of the Transformers are the same guy.

"This is an outrage! Everybody knows my superior form is totally unique!" exclaimed Sky Lynx, Sunstreaker, Powerglide, Tracks, and Sideswipe. "How dare they say that I smell?" asked Landfill, Wideload and Blot. Springer was particularly upset that his entry said nothing about his way with ladies. Wheelie expressed similar concerns.

Perhaps most disturbed by the comic were leaders Optimus Prime and Megatron, the former of which didn't know how many of his troops were emotionally disturbed, and the latter who didn't know how many of his troops were ready to kill him.

"There's something wrong with a faction whose most mentally healthy soldier is Grimlock," lamented Prime. He then left to talk Slingshot and Gears down from a ledge.

Sandstorm, Brawn, Inferno, Hot Rod, and Twin Twist were also upset. "Those bastards said that we're aggresive and that we'll attack at the slightest provocation! We swear, we'll rip their goddamn heads off! ^$%^#$^!!!"

Skids, Tailgate, and Topspin, who were busy chasing a particularly funny looking squirrel, could not be reached for comment.

 
         
         
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