|NUMBER 5||THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS||JANUARY 1, 1999|
Restaurant Closed Due to Health Violations
Last Friday, Outback's Aussie Oil Wagon was closed down due to health violations.
"I'm tellin' ya mate, this is a ripe diggity do!" protested a desperate Outback as the health inspectors carried away his deep fryer. "It's a nippity day in the billabong when a a chunderiffic place like this is dingoed into the Diggeridoo!" He then proceeded to wrestle with a 30 foot long alligator.
Health Inspector Prowl reported several violations of Cybertronian health standards, including unwashed protohumans running around the kitchen and cyber raptor droppings in the soup. "Who would ever have thought that something that doesn't eat would poop so much?" pondered a confused Prowl. "This place is a mess! You wouldn't believe how many guys we found working in the kitchen who were missing and presumed dead. Skids, Skyfire...hell, we found Sparkplug cleaning the toilets!"
Arcee had her own story to tell. "I went there for dinner with Springer and you wouldn't BELIEVE the service we got! When the Quintesson brought us the soup, his death face fell into my bowl! Not that it mattered, since the soup was already full of pieces from Brawn's shoulder!"
Outback stopped boxing with a kangaroo to leave us with this final thought. "Well mate, maybe it's for the best. When a dingo draps with your vegimite, you have to throw another shrimp on the barbee, dangle your calamacite diggeridoo, and frumple your little strom blat super drillnuts Netanyahu bippity boppity boo! Beer."
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