|NUMBER 5||THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS||JANUARY 1, 1999|
New Leader For The Maximals
Following the abduction of Optimus Primal by evil alien bags of topsoil, the Maximals elected a new leader. Rhinox insisted that they select their leader through anonymous vote, but the Maximals were shocked to find that their new leader is none other than former child star Gary Coleman.
"This sucks!" proclaimed Cheetor. "I mean, I thought it would be funny if I did a write-in vote for Gary Coleman. I didn't think that everybody else would have the same idea!"
Dinobot, one of the main contenders for leadership, was just as angry. "I knew I should have voted for myself! Dinobot has spoken. My losing grill structure..."
What plans does the new Maximal leader have for the future? "Look, we just can't beat the Predacons the way we are now. I had a meeting with my friend Dudley, and we agreed on two things. One, Mr. D shouldn't have punished me for going out on the ledge. It was only the third time this week! I mean, whatchu talkin' 'bout Mr. D?!? Two, we need some help." And just who is this mysterious help? It's none other than Mr. T! He says, "I pity the fool who tries to erase the human race from time!"
Unfortunately, fellow child actors Todd Bridges and Dana Plato, also called by Coleman to help the Maximal cause, are having a negative effect on the team. Early yesterday afternoon, Rattrap was arrested for possession of drugs, aggravated assault, and armed robbery, while Silverbolt was arrested for jaywalking. They are both currently in the brig, where Silverbolt is crying his canine eyes out.
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