NUMBER 4 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS NOVEMBER 1, 1998  
         
 

Witwicky Ties the Knot

Wedding bells rang last week for Buster Witwicky and his new bride Jesse, a bastard child with no last name.

This event may come as a surprise to those who have long followed this on again/off again/kidnapped by Decepticons again/off again relationship. Why has the pair taken so long?

"It's probably because of the weird relationship pattern we have," says Buster. "You know, we'd get together, then forget the other exists for 20 issues, then get together again as if it was the first time. After repeating the cycle five times, we finally decided to tie the knot. It's kind of funny. I thought she was butt ugly for the longest time, but after we shut down the car wash of doom, it was true love. *BZZT* Must...find...fuel...for...Decepticons... *BZZT*"

Despite three attacks by various Decepticons, one by the Quintessons, and one by a confused Predacon who thought Jesse's head was a burning candle, the ceremony had very few interruptions. Even Raul, hopped up on Spanish fly pills, couldn't spoil the occasion.

On a sadder note, Buster's father Sparkplug had a heart attack upon hearing the news. "This is my fifth heart attack this month. I can't handle this kind of stress." The previous four heart attacks were all due to Decepticon attacks, with the exception of the third, which was caused by a particularly nasty-looking rabbit.

The happy couple will spend their honeymoon at Club Con. "I'm sure it will all come off without a hitch," declared Buster. Ratbat would not comment.

 
         
         
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