NUMBER 2 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS SEPTEMBER 1, 1998  
         
 

Megatron Arrested on Armed Robbery Charge

Megatron was taken into custody at approximately 11 pm last night after he was caught holding up a convenience store. Although Megatron maintains his innocence, claiming he was just trying to purchase a bottle of Rolaids, security camera footage would appear to tell a different tale.

"The tapes clearly show the Decepticon leader walking into the store at 10:50 and approaching the cashier. He then proceeded to wave his fusion cannon directly at the cashier's head and to point menacingly," said Chief of Security Red Alert. When asked to comment, Megatron claimed that he was simply indicating the brand of antacid he wished to purchase to couteract the effects of a bad energon cube.

Nevertheless, the incident has left Cosmos, the cashier, quite rattled. "He kept sticking his gun in my face and screaming about stomach cramps. He finally told me to get out of the way, but I was stuck behind the counter! Then he started making fun of me! He said I should stop bobbing my head up and down like an idiot, but I just can't keep it up! *sniffle*"

Unfortunately, Megatron may go free due to complications with the witness, who could not indentify the culprit in a line-up of Megatron, Shockwave, Sixshot, Galvatron, Sixgun, and Browning. However, news has surfaced of another possible witness. Starscream was reportedly browsing the condom aisle at the time and had just picked out a box of Rigid Grill Structure For His Pleasure when the incident occured. It is not clear whether this witness will testify. When questioned, he would only say, "Plenty of heterosexual bots buy this brand, ask Springer!" Springer would not confirm this accusation. Despite, or in spite of, his reluctance to finger Megatron, Starscream insisted, "I AM NOT GAY!"

 
         
         
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