|NUMBER 10||THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS||JULY 1, 1999|
Kup to Renew Vows With Frito Corn Chip
All are invited to attend the renewal of Kup's vows with a Frito Corn Chip at the First Mintor Church of Cybertron this Sunday. The renewal is in celebration of twenty years of wedded bliss between the Autobot and his salty snack treat.
"I mean, we've been married for farve years," said Kup. "Farve is the number I made up. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, we've been married for farve years, so I thought it was time to reshoe our vowels...or something."
Carly Witwicky, who allegedly had an affair with th elder Autobot years ago, wished the couple nothing but happiness. "I hope they both rot in hell. F*ck them."
Will this romantic gesture help Kup "get some?" Kup hopes so.
"Last time I reviewed my cows, I ate a whole box of scorpions. Then I stapled the corn chip to my lip and went to the rodeo clown bus. I can't wait to eat that buffalo! Where are my pills?"
Sunstreaker, who may be Kup's son, was puzzled by the entire ceremony. "He's such an ass. You can't marry a corn chip the first place, much less renew your vows with it. I knew we should have kept him in the home."
Representatives from Frito-Lay could not be reached for comment.
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