NUMBER 1 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS AUGUST 1, 1998  
         
 

Galvatron Wins Peace Prize

Spirits ran high yesterday in the Decepticon camp as commander Galvatron accepted the Pax Cybertronia Peace Prize. This comes following the success of last month's unprecedented negotiations between Autobot leader Rodimus Prime and Galvatron, in which the two warring factions drew up territorial boundaries on their homeworld of Cybertron.

When asked to comment on this great honor, Galvatron had this to say: "BWAAAA!!!" He emphasized his point by killing five Sweeps and whacking Cyclonus in the head with his big gun. "OWWW!!!" and "Thank you sir, may I have another?" said Cyclonus when asked to comment on this great honor. The following are the highlights of the peace talks:

Rodimus: OK, let's start with Cybertron. I suggest that each faction should have an equal stake in …

Galvatron: BWAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Rodimus: Oh, so you want to play hardball, eh? Well, we're willing to compromise in the name of peace. You may have Cybertron. Now, let's talk about Charr. Given that you have complete control of Cybertron, we think it is only fair that…

Galvatron: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Rodimus: Yes, well, we didn't want it anyway. Earth is what we really care about. All those defenseless humans depending on the Autobots to ….

Galvatron: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Rodimus: OK. How about we split it, fifty/fifty?

Galvatron: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Rodimus: Forty/sixty?

Galvatron: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Rodimus: Uh, one/ninety-nine?

Galavtron: Bwa.

By the end of the conference, the Decepticons controlled the universe and the Autobots controlled Sparkplug's driveway…but not his house.

"I am very optimistic about the future of the Autobot cause. I think we really got through to the Decepticons last month, and I congratulate Galvatron on receiving this greatest honor of the Cybertronian Alliance. As former Autobot leader and my personal mentor used to say, freedom is the right of all sentient beings, even the Decepticons," said Rodimus Prime after the award ceremony. Although he could not be reached for comment, the recently revived Optimus Prime is being talked down from Lookout Mountain as this article goes to press.

Don't do it Optimus, don't do it.

 
         
         
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