NUMBER 1 THERE'S NO NEWS LIKE BAD NEWS AUGUST 1, 1998  
         
 

Ask Tracks

Dear Tracks,

Not that I'm a homobot or anything, but let's say you want to find out if someone else is? How would you know?

Straight Seeker (not Starscream…ahem)

Well Sta-- uh… Mr. Straight, darling, there really is no way to tell if a hunky piece of bot is gay or not. But I can tell you this much, if he's big, blue, and handsome, you should definitely try your luck!

 

Dear Tracks,

I have this friend, see. Let's call him Cheetor…oh wait, I mean… oh man I should have used a pencil… oh damn! I'm thinking on paper again. Crap. Anyway, and this friend, who just happens to have the same name as me… no wait, and someone else I know, has this friend who's a big blue Gor… HA! I won't fall for that again! A big blue GIRAFFE! Yeah, and he has his really long, er, NECK sticking out all the time and oh, crap. Forget it.

Cheet… f**k

Well, I think you should bring all your friends over to my place and we'll, uh, talk it out.

 

Dear Tracks,

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
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UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUURN.

Scavenger

My hot oil is burning for YOU, baby!

 

Now don't be shy my little chickadees! I'll be looking forward to hearing about all your petty little problems for a future edition of Ask Tracks.

 
         
         
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