Once More, With Balls

The following is a lost and found relic of a simpler time, when Pic and I had no inkling of the greatness that would be the World's Worst FanFic. Surely some of the less sophist... er, I'm sure you'll all love it. -- Perc

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Started on Mon Oct 20 19:56:10 1997

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<Perc> OP is dying and his chest opens up and everyone is looking inside, caption: "He keeps his balls in THERE?"
<Perc>
<Pic> Unicron : I have the BIGGEST BALLS!
<Pic>
<Pic> Rodimus: Oh yeah? Well I'm gonna EAT them!
<Pic>
<Perc> Now all we need is a little energon and a lot of BALLS!
<Perc>
<Pic> hehehehe
<Pic>
<Pic> yeah
<Pic>
<Perc> Welcome Laserbeak, unlike some of my other warriors, YOUR BALLS never fail me!
<Perc>
<Pic> hahahahaha
<Pic>
<Perc> This was almost too easy Starscream!
<Perc>
<Perc> Much easier than attacking the real threat, the Autobots BALLS ion earth!
<Perc>
<Pic> Optimus: Ironhide, report to me at once.
<Pic> Ironhide: Every time I look into a moniter, Prime, my balls sizzle!
<Pic>
<Pic> When are we gonna start eating the Decepticons' balls?
<Pic>
<Perc> muahahh!
<Perc>
<Perc> Oh man, for a good sight gag, the fishing scene:
<Perc>
<Perc> Look at the size of it!
<Perc>
<Pic> hahahaha, a little ball on the end of the rod
<Pic>
<Perc> It's a whopper alright!
<Perc>
<Pic> Instead of an energon goodie, Rodimus is holding a pair of balls
<Pic>
<Perc> How's it hanging Kup?
<Perc>
<Perc> A little to the left -- a little bit more...
<Perc>
<Pic> Magnus: Blurr, you can help me eat the others.
<Pic> Blurr: Absolutely, positively, definitely, no one can eat balls faster than me, nobody! Nobody nobody!
<Pic>
<Perc> PERCEPTOR: Ultra Magnus, a cursory evaluation of Decepticon capability
<Perc> indicates a distinct tactical deficiency.
<Perc>
<Perc> ULTRA MAGNUS: In other words, Perceptor--
<Perc>
<Pic> Arcee: But Hot Rod and Kup are still outside the city--
<Pic> Springer: We can't wait. They'll have to take care of their own balls!
<Pic>
<Pic> Starscream: Pathetic fools! There's no escape! My balls!!!
<Pic>
<Perc> SPRINGER: They have some pretty big balls!
<Perc>
<Perc> KICKBACK: Delicious, eh Shrapnel?
<Perc>
<Pic> Blaster: Hey, Perceptor, what's shaking other than my balls?
<Pic>
<Perc> SHRAPNEL: A little heavy on the sperm sperm...
<Pic>
<Pic> Blaster: Cover your balls, Perceptor!
<Pic>
<Perc>
<Perc> SOUNDWAVE: Rumble, Frenzy, Ravage, Ratbat, ejaculate!
<Perc> Operation: Masturbation!
<Perc>
<Perc> PERCEPTOR: Run, Blaster! Save yourself!
<Perc>
<Pic> Blaster: OP, do you read me? The Decepticons are eating our balls! We're really taking a pounding.
<Pic>
<Perc> BLASTER: No way, my boys can play!
<Perc>
<Perc> KUP: Devastator...
<Perc>
<Perc> DEVASTATOR: PREPARE FOR TERMINATION!
<Perc>
<Pic> Springer: I've got better things to do tonight than have my balls eaten!
<Pic>
<Perc> CASTRATION!
<Perc>
<Pic> Megs: Their defenses are broken! Let the feasting begin!
<Pic>
<Perc> OPTIMUS PRIME: One shall stand; one shall fall.
<Perc>
<Perc> MEGATRON: Why throw away your balls so recklessly?
<Perc>
<Perc> OPTIMUS PRIME: That's a question you should ask yourself, Megatron.
<Perc>
<Pic> Grimlock: Me Grimlock love Megatron's balls!
<Pic>
<Pic> Megatron: Fall, fall! I would have waited an eternity for this. It's *over*, Prime. I'm gonna eat your balls!
<Pic>
<Pic> Prime: Never!
<Pic>
<Perc> MEGATRON: I'll crush your balls with my bare hands!
<Perc>
<Perc> STARSCREAM: Oh, how it *pains* me to do this!
<Perc>
<Perc> MEGATRON: (weakly) Wait, my balls stillfunction--
<Perc>
<Perc> Wanna bet?
<Perc>
<Pic> Prime: Ultra Magnus, it is to you old friend I shall pass the Testicle of Leadership, as it was passed to me.
<Pic>
<Perc> STARSCREAM: Well, as Megatron has, how shall we say, *departed*, I
<Perc> nominate *myself* as the new leader!
<Perc>
<Perc> SCRAPPER: Wait! The Constructicons from Devastator, the robot with the biggest balls. *We* should rule.
<Perc>
<Perc> SOUNDWAVE: Soundwave's balls superior. Constructicons inferior.
<Perc>
<Perc> UNICRON: Your bargaining posture is highly dubious!--but very well.
<Perc> I will provide you with a new body, and new balls to command.
<Perc>
<Perc> MEGATRON: And...?
<Perc>
<Perc> UNICRON: AND NOTHING! Your balls belong to me now.
<Perc>
<Perc> MY BALLS BELONG TO NOBODY!!!!
<Perc>
<Pic> Jazz: Talk to me, Earth! We got a situation out here! Teste me, Gonad me, anything! Hello, hello Earth!
<Pic>
<Perc> GALVATRON: Will anyone *else* attempt to fill his balls?
<Perc>
<Perc> GALVATRON: How dare Unicron! Cybertron and all its moons belong to me--
<Perc> (Red light flares from nowhere, he writhes in pain)
<Perc>
<Perc> SCOURGE: Remember--our balls belong to him.
<Perc> GALVATRON: My balls belong to NOBODY! (more pain) I will obey, Unicron.
<Perc> (recovers, breathing hard) Decepticons, to Earth!
<Perc>
<Perc> SPRINGER: And what are we gonna do when we get there? If that thing
<Perc> crunches moons it'll make short work of our balls.
<Perc> MAGNUS: Maybe the Matrix can stop it.
<Perc>
<Pic> Me Grimlock *love* Kup's ball stories!
<Pic>
<Perc> Testicle can stop it...
<Perc>
<Perc> BLURR: I'm trying to get them into the shuttle Ultra Magnus because
<Perc> I know we can't launch the shuttle until I get them into the
<Perc> shuttle but I can't seem to get them into the shuttle because
<Pic>
<Pic> ARCEE: Did we have to let them detonate three-quarters of our balls?
<Pic>
<Pic> SPRINGER: Seein' as how they woulda detonated *four* quarters I think
<Pic> it was a good choice.
<Pic>
<Perc> their balls are TOO BIG TOO BIG TOO BIG!
<Perc>
<Perc> KUP: Okay, okay. Well, the dust was really thick. And then this
<Perc> giganitc Ikyak came tromping and stomping down the mountain,
<Perc> flame spewing out of its testicles.
<Pic>
<Perc> KUP: I'm trying to remember. There were an awful lot of balls lost that day...
<Pic>
<Pic> Daniel: This must be the ball capital of the universe.
<Perc>
<Perc> HOT ROD: Kup, talk to me!
<Perc>
<Pic> Feed his balls to the Sharkticons!
<Pic>
<Perc> KUP: *Fix my BALLS!*
<Perc>
<Perc> HOT ROD: That does it. Well, what do you think?
<Perc>
<Perc> (Kup gets up, stretches his legs, stomps around)
<Perc>
<Perc> KUP: Of all the circuit-glitched, diode-blowing dimwittery.
<Perc> You left a ball out!
<Perc>
<Perc> HOT ROD: No way! You're just a little stiff.
<Perc>
<Perc> KUP: Anyway, all things considered, you did an amazing job, lad.
<Perc> Amazing.
<Perc>
<Perc> HOT ROD: Really?
<Perc>
<Perc> KUP: Yeah. you even got rid of a nasty ball in my rotator.
<Perc> Now let's find the Dinobots and get off this twisted planet.
<Perc>
<Perc> KUP: Watch, I'll have them eating out of my hand.
<Perc>
<Pic> Balls find, look behind. Your balls on wrong way, you fool I say.
<Pic>
<Perc> "Ba Weep Gra-na Weep Gimme Balls!"
<Perc>
<Perc> HEHEHE that was a good one.
<Perc>
<Pic> Wheelie say eat balls today
<Pic>
<Perc> KUP: Reminds me of the Nyda Ball Mines on Golgonath Seven.
<Perc>
<Pic> hehehehe
<Pic>
<Perc> HOT ROD: *Everyplace* reminds you of somebody's balls!
<Perc>
<Pic> Galvy: Unicron, my master. With this, I shall eat your balls.
<Pic>
<Perc> PERCEPTOR: Be sure the balls are securely welded.
<Perc>
<Pic> Kup: Yeah, but look! There are a lot more of those teste-diggin', ball-eating things.
<Pic>
<Pic> Hotrod: We can't hold out forever, but we can give them one humungous urologist bill!
<Pic>
<Pic> ME GRIMLOCK NO BOZO, ME HUNG!
<Pic>
<Pic> You get ship if I get balls.
<Pic>
<Pic>
<Pic> It's not hard to eat their balls; it's getting 'em to stay down that's the trick!
<Perc> WRECK-GAR: Your balls check in, but they don't vheck out!
<Perc>
<Pic> And now some balls, don't touch that dial!
<Pic>
<Perc> GALVATRON: Unicron. UNICRON! See this? The *Matrix*! I now possess
<Perc> that which you most fear! You'll do my bidding, or I'll taste your balls!
<Perc>
<Perc> GALVATRON: Like it or not, we are allies now, against a common
<Perc> ball.
<Perc>
<Perc> GRIMLOCK: ME GRIMLOCK KICK BALLS!!!
<Perc>
<Pic> Me Grimlock need new balls.
<Pic>
<Pic> Come out Autobot, I must eat your balls sometime.
<Pic>
<Pic> This is the end off your balls, Galvatron!
<Pic>
<Perc> GALVATRON: I will crush your balls with my *bare hands*. DIE, Autobot!
<Perc>
<Perc> KUP: I knew you had balls, lad!
<Perc>
<Perc> Unicron: Testicles! You cannot destory my TEST-TIC-LES!!!!
<Perc>
<Pic> 'Till Ball Are One!!!
<Pic>

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